


Without

by foxietales



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Philinda - Freeform, skye fitz and simmons are there too i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 10:58:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12480016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxietales/pseuds/foxietales
Summary: He'd hurt enough people already, and it was high time someone put a stop on him for good. She wasn't going to let him hurt her team -her family- ever again, even if that meant she'd have to die fighting.





	Without

**Author's Note:**

> Yoooo this took me longer than expected! I think that's my most consistent -for lack of a better word- Philinda fic so far, though there are certainly many mistakes in terms of setting there. It takes place during season 1 (when May fights Ward), but I watched this more than a month ago so memories of what exactly happened are a little hazy in my mind. I found their fight scene on YT though, so most of it is actually accurate (though I've made it diverge from what actually happened at some point, for plot purposes). 
> 
> Anyway, enough with my ranting! Enjoy the fic!~ (warning: blood/gore/death).

“Looks to me like the Ice Queen got her _feelings_ hurt.”

 _Punch him_. May wanted to punch Ward straight into his idiotic face –would have probably already done so were it not for the wire he was pressing around her neck, threatening to choke her. Patience; she had to be patient. Untangle herself, gain some distance, then wait for the optimal time to strike back and smash his skull in.

Yeah, that sounded like a plan.

With no warning, she flung herself forward, throwing all of her strength into that movement and hoping to drag him down with her. It worked –even if it wasn’t good enough to completely knock him off his feet on its own, it was enough to dislodge him, and from there on gravity did the trick for her. Ward lost his footing and crashed down on a pile of wooden planks and giving her enough time to land a well-balanced kick across his exposed neck.

A satisfying _crack_ was heard, and for the fragment of a second Ward remained still. May was ready to land another kick on him –but he sprung up with terrific force and within a heartbeat he was upon her again, pinning her down on one of the work-boards. The saw blade attached to it was suddenly turned on, and she found her head being dangerously close to it –only coming closer, as Ward was pushing her towards the machine.

“Reminds me of the old days.” Ward sneered, panting from the effort of keeping her pinned on the table. She writhed underneath him, trying to break free.

“You were never on top.” May hissed between gritted teeth, watching his every move as he drew out a gun from his back pocket. To ensure she’d stay dead, she supposed, even after grinding her head into the saw.

Well, this wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

With as much strength as she could muster, she threw her legs up, effectively hitting Ward in the abdomen. She let out a momentary huff of satisfaction as she heard him groan, the air knocked out of him. It was a small advantage –but she needed nothing more.

Losing no time, May grabbed an iron crowbar resting on the table a short distance away from where she’d been pinned, and bolted towards the other agent. She let the momentum amplify the strength of her swing as she brought the makeshift weapon down on Ward’s head, and smirked to herself when the man cried out in pain. She hit again, and again –she would hit him until she’d make sure he was unconscious, or better yet dead. Until she’d make sure he would no longer be a threat to the rest of her team.

May hit him four times; one for Skye, whose feelings he’d taken advantage of; two for Simmons, whom he’d left in the bottom of the ocean to die along with Fitz; three for Fitz, who could never wake up from his coma; four for Coulson, whom he had so terribly betrayed.

She was ready to bring the crowbar down one last, fifth time just for good measure –but then the man she’d thought incapacitated jolted, seemingly from a deep slumber. His fingers closed around her wrist in an iron grip, pushing the weapon out of the way and down to her side, where it would be no threat.

He was able to hold her like that for less than a couple of seconds, but it was enough.

The dry, sudden sound of a gunshot reverberated through the dark room, and May jolted against Ward’s grip. His fingers suddenly slackened against her hand, as he lowered his gun.

The two agents stared into each other’s eyes for a few painfully still seconds. Then Ward’s eyes slowly closed, and his body tumbled to the ground, with the bloody edge of the crowbar still sticking out of his stomach.

May lasted only a few moments more –enough to slowly lift her hand over her stomach, feel the wet cloth of her uniform as thick, red liquid seeped from the whole Ward’s lone bullet had tore into her. Then her knees bent against her will, and she slumped to the ground with a dull ‘thud’.

She must have blacked out after that, because the next thing she was aware of was Skye crying out her name, then kneeling next to her, pleading for her to say something.

She wasn’t even sure she could say _anything_ at that point. The younger agent was now begging her to stay strong, assuring her that help was on the way, that Coulson was there, that ‘see, Coulson is here now, come on, he wouldn’t want to see you like this, _you_ wouldn’t want him to see you like this, you need to hold on, because Ward is dead, and _you_ killed him, didn’t you? You killed Ward, because you’re so strong, and if you’re so strong as to kill Ward then you cannot just give up now, you need to stay with us May… please…’.

But Skye was now crying as she spoke, and all she could do was powerlessly stare into May’s glassy, unmoving eyes, knowing that the older agent would not be able to hear her words anymore…

* * *

Coulson supposed he’d known already, as soon as he saw her lying on the ground. Whatever was bad enough to keep even Melinda May lying on the ground, was probably bad enough to kill her, too.

Yes, he’d known. There was this small, hopeless bit of darkness inside of him that whispered the grave truth into his ear, even as he fought to keep it out. Even as he’d dared to hope that there was still time, she could still be saved.

And that tiny bit of darkness was spreading now, had begun spreading as soon as he knelt by her side, and saw Skye crying, whispering that she was sorry and that she had been too late to do any good, that it was already over by the time she was able to rush to May’s aid. And May’s eyes were dull and lightless, wide-open, and her chest was still instead of rising a falling with faint breaths.

He’d placed his fingers upon her neck, tried to listen to her heartbeat. But there had been nothing –no pulse, no breathing- to detect. All he’d been faced with was deafening, despairing silence.

That had been the moment when his own heart had stopped beating as well, in a sense. When he’d finally began to accept that she wouldn’t move, and that he should stop waiting for her voice to reach his ears. And when Skye had gently closed May’s eyes with the tips of her fingers, Coulson had begun to accept that the woman known as “the Cavalry” and one of SHIELD’s top operatives had heaved her final breath on the field.

But even though he knew this was the grave truth, he kept staring blankly even as they carried her to the quinjet. Even as they took off, with the jet on autopilot since there was no longer anyone capable to pilot it as skillfully as before. He kept his eyes fixed on her still form, now covered with a white sheet they’d managed to find somewhere amidst the chaos that had ensued. Hoping, that this was all a cruel joke. Praying, that she was just going to wake up soon, complain about the lack of backup, then joke to him about almost kicking the bucket again.

Melinda May, _dead._ As if. It had to be a prank, right? Like the ones she used to play on him all the time during their years in the Academy. Because these three words could never –should never- be put into the same sentence in a way that would make sense. It just had to be a joke.

Despite it all, it wasn’t until he saw Simmons huddled up on a corner, shaking and crying, that the truth finally hit him full force –harder, more painful than ever.

May wasn’t coming back.

He should be thankful, really. She’d taken down one of the most dangerous HYDRA operatives currently on the loose, had ensured the mission’s success, had saved so many lives.

Yet she hadn’t been able to save her own.

White, searing fury had filled every inch of his body at the realisation –that May had died, and that it had been none other than Grant Ward that had killed her. Grant Ward, who was now dead by May’s own hand. That fact, somehow, hurt him as well. There was no one to punish for her death anymore –she’d punished him herself.  He had badly wanted to be the one to smash Ward’s face down on the cement, then plant a dozen bullets into his skull. But there was no one left alive to take revenge from.

Slowly, agonizingly, Coulson’s fury had dissipated into pain, into a freezing sensation deep inside of him, opening a bottomless pit of despair in his stomach. He begun to gradually shut down, limbs falling lifelessly by his sides as he slumped against his seat on the jet, eyes still fixed on the white sheet, underneath which May’s lifeless body rested. Yet his eyes were not seeing anymore, and thankfully the rest of the team had refrained from even trying to get his attention, sinking into their own mourning instead.

The flight home had never again been so quiet.

Was it still home, though? Would it ever be? Nothing would be the same anymore, not without May. And Coulson was left to wonder what he’d do without her, because she wasn’t just his second-in-command, she wasn’t just his right hand. She was… she’d been… much more than that. And now he’d never get a chance to tell her, because she was gone forever. She was gone, and he hadn’t even been there when she did, just to hold her hand during her final moments.

She wouldn’t have liked him to do so though, would she? She’d always been so much stronger than that. And if she was there now, she’d call him overly sentimental. Remind him that in their line of job, death was more than just a possibility –death was almost to be expected. She’d remind him that he had died once as well; even though he had been unlucky enough to be put through TAHITI and come back in almost one piece.

For a fleeting second, the word fluttered through his mind –TAHITI. TAHITI could be capable of bringing May back as well. But…

…but she wouldn’t have wanted that, either. As much as he would have liked to fool himself by thinking otherwise, as much as he would have liked to bring her back… this was a fate he would wish upon no one. Not after what he’d seen on that underground facility.

He would have to accept her death, eventually. Mourn her, yes, but accept it and slowly move on. That’s what she would have wanted him to do, too.

Slowly, Coulson straightened up and look around him, seemingly waking up from his previous inertia. His eyes fell on the white sheet again, and after all these hours, the tears he’d so forcefully held back surfaced to the corners of his eyes. He looked towards the rest of his team –Skye, Simmons, Fitz, all huddled up together in the opposite side of the quinjet, seemingly asleep. May had sacrificed her own life to protect theirs, among others. Always looking out for them.

He wasn’t going to let her sacrifice be in vain.

Tears now ran freely yet quietly down his face, as he shifted his attention back to the sheet, and although he could not see her body, he let a weak, shaky smile tug at the corners of his lips.

“Don’t you worry, May.” The words were barely anything more than a faint whisper, but his voice was steady. “You can rest now. I promise, I will make sure nothing will ever happen to them.”

**Author's Note:**

> Took me long enough to actually kill one of them. But hey, no character or ship is ever safe while within my reach! There's a reason my friends fear me when I write ;)  
> Anyway, it gets a little sloppy towards the end but I'm admittedly kind of tired thanks to school XD I may come back to it and fix any typos and other mistakes at some point. Meanwhile, if there's something I've done wrong, don't hesitate to point it out!~ 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading this! And sorry for breaking your hearts ^^; (spoiler alert: not really :3 mwahaha~)
> 
> Till next time!~


End file.
